FRISKY FRIDAY | BAD IN BED

In FRISKY FRIDAY by The Ajland

I said I’d be back before my vacation, didn’t I? This past weekend, I was out with some friends and inevitably, it turned into a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’. If you haven’t played before, it’s a classic and fun icebreaker to play while drinking… before it becomes a battle between you and your best friend unveiling every single detail of your sex life. Now, somewhere between the “I’ve never” statements on anal and threesomes, the discussion turned to faking orgasms. Icebreakers, I tell ya… In any event, I got to wondering how often we wonder whether or not we’re bad in bed. Y’all know I’m big on synchrocity and laws of attraction, so when I remembered that meme that did the IG rounds last week about women being soldiers because they go into sex not knowing whether they’ll cum or not, I knew this was the post to run with. I’m no stranger to writing about sex etiquette, but I guess we never really discussed the key factors of what makes someone a shitty lay. Are you bad in bed? Let’s find out. Without further ado…

LADIES, YOU MIGHT BE BAD IN BED IF…
YOUR INSECURITIES BLEED INTO THE BEDROOM

If you’re more worried about covering yourself up than enjoying yourself, you’re both gonna have a bad time. Does the guy like the way you look? Does he like the way you look naked? Then he’ll like the way you look naked and riding it, so don’t let insecurities mess this up for you both. On that note, your partner is a huge part of this equation. If you aren’t with someone who makes you feel good then you shouldn’t be having sex with them, period. Sex is supposed to be fun and your partner should be doing everything possible to allow that! Don’t fuck people that make you feel like they don’t want to be fucking you at that very moment. Read my post on feeling sexy to get that inner goddess in you glowing, then go put on a show, bitch.

YOU NEVER GO ON TOP

A lot of women don’t ride well. It can be hella stressful worrying about you look like and making sure it feels good for everybody – add in a guy fucking you back from the bottom at a different rhythm – yikes. To be “good” on top, you have to know that it’s not just about riding. Your partner’s got a fantastic view so take advantage of it & give him a show. Vary the pace, speed up, slow down, play with yourself – there’s so much you can do in this position and you have all the control, so take your time and enjoy it! You’ll want to get the basic movement down — it’s a rhythmic grinding/twerking move while on your knees. Go watch some porn and build up the confidence in your game. I’m sure your partner will be more than willing to help you practice if you let him know… ayeee.

YOU NEVER SWITCH IT UP

At the beginning when everything’s new, the usual sessions will be fun and exciting. However, after a while, your partner and you will inevitably get bored of it. Even the hottest routine gets old and feels mechanical when you keep repeating it. With that being said, sex should forever be evolving between a couple or two people that fuck regularly. I’m not saying you have to bust out the rape fantasies and ball gags, but trying new things and pushing the envelope is hella important; maybe you like getting choked in bed and you never knew because you were too nervous to try it. Get creative and toss that scripted sex out the window. If you’re ready to get rough with it, I got you, fam.

YOU NEVER SPEAK UP

Great sex is based on great communication. Men aren’t psychics, so if you can’t tell them what you want, how are they supposed to know? While reading the cues are important, sometimes speaking up is necessary. Do you only cum when you’re on top? Perhaps letting him know instead of getting fucked in every OTHER position besides you on top would make your time a little better. Additionally, if you don’t listen to what your partner wants, they’ll probably end up getting frustrated with you as well. If you can’t talk to the person you’re fucking… why are you fucking?

YOU MAKE ZERO EFFORT

There’s nothing wrong with a quickie, but if you’re going into every sesh with the attitude of “getting it over with,” he can tell, and that’s just a bad time for everybody. You need to figure out what works for you and bring that into the bedroom because that, “look, my lips are on your dick which is all it takes to feel amazing” effort when giving blowjobs is probably not going to fly. If you’re giving head like you have morals, you’re doing it wrong. This is Frisky Fridays, not Starfish Saturdays – LOOK ALIVE.

AT LEAST IT WASN’T YOU…

” In a chatroom while I was in college, I was talking to a woman online. She was going on and on about how her husband used a Halls cough drop on her while going down on her and she loved it. So I tried it on my girlfriend (now wife).

It’s been almost 20 years, and the image of her holding her crotch, jumping around and yelling IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS!!!! remains seared in my memory.”

GENTLEMEN, YOU MIGHT BE BAD IN BED IF…
YOU RACE TO THE FINISH LINE

One time for the guys that totally skip over foreplay and then bust in 30 seconds. Double points if he follows it up with, “was that good for you?” – uh, no… no, it wasn’t. Girls rarely cum with zero mental or clit stimulation, like… ever. How many times have you watched porn where they skipped foreplay? Even rape fantasy porn greases the gears before putting them into motion. Please imbed, “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.” into your brains.

AT LEAST IT WASN’T YOU…

“Its my college graduation party and me my WHOLE family and a bunch of my friends are celebrating it in my backyard. We are havin a good time drinkin a few beers throughout the day and the later it gets, the more crazy it gets. My friends, some family, and I are all half in the bag. I’m near blackout at this point and all i can really remember is being behind my pool with this girl i was friends with, eating her out.. now in my drunken state i coulda sworn that it was dark enough behind there but when i awoke the next day, my father assured me it wasn’t. Not only could he assure that but about 60% of my family could…”

YOU’RE SELFISH

It takes two (or maybe more, giggity) to tango, but if you notice that you’re only focused on what you enjoy in bed, rather than how your partner is doing, you might need to take a step back and check yourself. Getting someone off can be a huge turn on, especially because that’s where the mutual excitement and enjoyment come in. If your girls not feeling so enthusiastic in bed, it might be because you’re disregarding her orgasm. Don’t be this guy; this guy gets roasted in female group chats.

AT LEAST IT WASN’T YOU…

“When I was a teenager, the guy kept sticking his finger in me then into my mouth. It was annoying and I asked him to stop multiple times. He wouldn’t so I figured I would do this thing I saw on winamp porno stream. I snowballed him. He really wasn’t about that life, ended up vomiting off the side of the bed. He never did the finger thing again and we broke up a few months after.”

YOU DON’T PICK UP ON CUES

While orgasm or bust is the goal, the route requires at least some paying attention. Your hand isn’t a jackhammer and shouldn’t be treated as such. You are also not drilling for oil, so relax. When it comes to fingering a woman, grace and ease are where it’s at while you wait for a reaction to see if you should go faster. On that note, just because girls can be flexible enough to recreate the Starbucks logo doesn’t mean they want to. Boy, if you don’t take that girls legs out from behind her ear…

Welp, hope this didn’t resonate with too many of you. If it did, you know what to do – pornhub.com. If you’re looking for some more Frisky Friday, with an emphasis on the ‘Frisky’:

Rough sex galore
Fooling around in the Millennial era
The dirty questions you guys send me
Tips for not putting your dick in crazy
Not being a weirdo on the first date
Not being a weirdo on Tinder

That’s it, that’s all, folks. Thanks for sharing my posts and as always, reading. Have a great weekend!