If you know the song I’m referencing in my post title, you a real one. Wow, January is actually over. That was possibly the longest month in existence. It’s also a busy time and I seem to be writing my blog in 5 minute increments today. If it looks like I’ve went off in a random tangent mentally anywhere, I definitely did. Anyhow, in the spirit of Valentines, I’ve listed below some gift ideas since I know everyone can get frantic about it around this time. If you read my previous V-Day post which you can find by clicking this ugly green text, then you know you don’t really need any of this. Alas, some of you have the love language of ‘gifts’ so here we are. I’ve priced them slightly lowest to highest, but got a bit lazy with it, so you get what you get. Without further ado…
BITCHES LOVE FLOWERS
The easiest gift! Make sure there’s a balloon in it too.
Landeau Flowers – If your girls extra af and wants the nice shot for IG, these are the ones you want. At $179 CAD a pop, I can almost guarantee a magical blowjob post flower selfie. However, for the rest of us…
STAR WARS POSTER SET OF 4
Etsy is my favourite spot for unique gifts and I fell in love with these dictionary prints when I saw them. If bae isn’t a Star Wars fan, there are many other options to choose from, such as Marvel and Monopoly.
Yeah, I’m gonna leave this one alone and just go with the product description…
The Liberator Ramp lends stability to many positions as well as offering greater access to your partner. Its incline is perfect for from-behind and girl-on-top positions; when you don’t have to focus on holding a position you open yourself up to even more intense sensation! The Ramp helps take pressure off of your joints, allowing for longer sessions.
The hottest hats in the game and the perfect gift for your beau since they come in so many different colours. These look just as good on girls so you may as well pick one up for both of you. You can scoop these bad boys up here.
TEASE ME, PLEASE ME
up, up, and away
If you’re a little bitch like me and can’t jump out of a plane, I gotchu, fam. Our friends across the border have an indoor version of skydiving. Peep iFly in Seattle if this sounds like your kind of shenanigans.
WHAT’S YOUR FANTASY?
If you need an instruction manual for these, I can’t help you. With 60 foreplay options and 24 positions, this is the perfect gift for a Friday night in or maybe a couple that wants to get things going again. On that note, for more tips on dead bedrooms…
I BLEND IN WITH THE HOOD, I’M CAMOUFLAGE
I know every girl has literally everything from Aritzia, but these are legit the comfiest pants ever. I love them so much that I have three pairs. BEST gift. Buy them now.
MAIL FOR THE MALE
There’s something about a whiskey man that exudes sex appeal. My girlfriend recently recommended this subscription box when I was gift searching and it makes the perfect last minute gift if your bae is about that drink life.
In case the above gift results in ‘Whiskey Dick”
Hey, we all need a little help somewhere!
FIT FOR A KING
My go-to gift. Every man needs a nice belt and this is a classic.
JUST SPOIL THAT GIRL
Every lingerie collectors favourite is some Agent Provocateur. If you’re lavishing your boo, look no further. It’s a gift for her, but really it’s a gift for you.
JORDAN 3 “BLACK CEMENT”
These aren’t dropping until February 17th but I’m sure if your boo is a collector, they won’t be mad about this kind of late gift!
BACK IN BLACK
“Louis that, Gucci this, just got a model chick”
She love that Saint Laurent, it’s never too much
Remember when I said the only thing that should stay on in the bedroom is heels and maybe some lingerie? Think of all the possibilities! *heart eye emoji* Hit my girl, Annie, up for these at the Nordstrom on Robson if you live in the lower mainland!
she don’t believe in God but her shoes Christian
I’m sure most girls have a pair of these by now, but in case she doesn’t, you can’t go wrong. Pro tip – If you’re in Vancouver, make sure you get the red topy soles placed at Moneysworth & Best in Pacific Centre. I’ve taken every pair to him and it makes ALL the difference!
YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME
And of course, the best gift of all! Black Dog Rescue brings in dogs straight from Texas that are looking for their new home in Vancouver! Find your future pupper here.
HAPPY VALENTINES, GANG!
I hope you all have the best one ever. As mentioned earlier, the better Valentines deets are here because really, the best way to spend the day is laid up with your boo spending and doing nothing. If you’re alone for Valentines, well… Pornhub.com has always been there for us. Thanks for reading, xoxo