If you know the song that I’ve referenced in my title, you have officially found a place in my heart. Bless you and your taste in music. Alright, I’ve previously touched on stale relationships, but what to do when the sex is stale? A dead bedroom is basically a flashing sign that your relationship is going downhill or perhaps on it’s last legs (Sorry for the brutal honesty, but you know i’m not wrong). With the upcoming release of the next Fifty Shades of Grey movie, I felt it would be appropriate to dedicate a blog post to rough sex and the primal way to fix a bedroom sitch. However, these are just as good if you’re just banging without any actual hanging attached. Just like there’s no “one size fits all” in relationships; there is no ‘one size fits all’ in kink. Some people think anal is kinky, and some people think whipping is. None of that matters though. It’s all about your attitude.
BDSM is an acronym for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission and Submission & Domination.
It’s an umbrella term that covers a range of activities and roles, some of which include sex and others do not.
BDSM can seem a little intimidating to people, especially when you think of the most extreme activities, which could even include cutting the skin. However, one of the cool things about BDSM is the wide spectrum of things you can choose. You can always give something a try, and if you don’t like it, don’t do it again. If you do like it, add it to your routine to spice up your sex life. There are so many varieties of BDSM that there’s a good chance you’ll like at least one of the flavours. To be honest, most of you have probably already tried something under the umbrella. Don’t lie… I know you’ve all spanked or been spanked before. While many might enjoy the rougher side of things, not everyone likes it. Some guys and girls just aren’t into it. Or even worse, they may have had a really bad experience with rough sex. With that being said, just because your partner isn’t responsive to these ideas, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong. There’s many other things you can try that are still vanilla. We aren’t here for those today, though. Into Pandora’s box we go…
Pro Tip: Rough sex can be addictive, but it can also be like your favourite meal. If you have it every single day, then you’ll probably get bored and it won’t be as enjoyable as it was at first. Variation is key to life. With the same person hopefully.
Don’t choke anyone to death.
WHOS YOUR DOMMY?
As I’ve said in my previous blog post, it’s often said that fantasies of submission are ultimately fantasies of being extremely sexually desirable. To be clear, they’re not fantasies for a strong aggressive man, but for a strong show of desire in their sexual partners. This is why that want for dominance doesn’t transfer into daily life– because it’s a sexual desire.
Now for the ladies… It’s likely that the most obvious rough sex suggestion is for either you or your mattress dancing partner to get really dominant over the other. For guys, they’ll probably find it easier and more natural to dominate their partner in the bedroom. But what if the girl wants to be the aggressor? Well, I’m glad you asked. *points to audience* *no audience* Okay, then… To indirectly quote Donald Trump – rather than waiting for a guy to do anything with you. grab him and take what you want. Women frequently comment on how it can be “so hot” when their man grabs them and throws it down without really caring whether you’ve satisfied or not. At the same time, they comment how they want sex but if their boyfriend doesn’t initiate it, they don’t get any. Flip the tables. Don’t give them a chance to take the initiative. Get him on his back, straddle him and do the damn thing. If you’ve never done something like this with your boyfriend before, I’m sure the odds will ever be in your favour. These are Frisky Fridays, not Starfish Saturdays. Hop on, lady.
THAT’S GONNA LEAVE A MARK
Trigger warning and all that. While scratching and biting isn’t something you’d normally do to someone you care about. Apparently my cat doesn’t know that, but anyway… When having rough sex, manhandling and treating someone like a rag doll is a key ingredient part. With that being said, if you’re not coming out with some bruises – you might be doing it wrong. I have no instructions for this – just be smart and don’t pull a Mike Tyson. Additionally, while scratching and biting someone during sex can add to the passion, don’t force it if you are uncomfortable with the idea. Besides, if your partner is doing a fantastic job, scratching and biting can occur naturally.
PULL MY HAIR
Many don’t know that hair pulling actually falls in the BDSM umbrella since it’s so common. Many also don’t know that there is a right way and a wrong way to do this. While I hate to make the entire thing sound mechanical, please keep reading to avoid accidently scalping your partner while you’re mid-fuck (Yes, it does happen):
YES – Grab their hair from the roots and closer to the scalp.
NO – Grab the hair from anywhere but the roots. Do not pull at the ends of the someone’s hair. If you do this and get a donkey kick in return, you fully deserve it.
Autoerotic asphyxia or better known by it’s slang term, “choking”, if done properly can make a girl purr like a kitten. However, it can also be extremely dangerous if not done properly. If your partner has passed out, you have not done it properly. Have you ever killed somebody? No? Good, let’s stay on that path…
Safety First – Choking should last between 3 and 5 seconds – that’s it, that’s all. Past this point, the lack of oxygen begins to cause permanent brain damage. Since the chokee (Is this even a fucking word?) may not be able to speak, it’s a good idea to devise some sort of tap on your chokers leg or something similar let them know to let go. As long as the web of your hand between the index finger and thumb isn’t applying pressure, you’re good to go. Happy choking!
For an extra safe choking experience – Female on top in a “riding” position. The male will make a “C” shape with his hand, raising it towards the female’s throat. The hand should firmly contour the roundness of the female’s throat without squeezing or applying pressure. With a firm hand on her throat, the female can now apply the appropriate amount of pressure by leaning forward and into her partners’ hand, controlling the “choking” sensation.
Probably the most popular and mainstream BDSM kink. Pleasure and pain go hand in hand. Enough said.
Ok, you’re in the big leagues now and want to go Ike Turner on your lover, but in a consensual way. Such is kink of certain people that they like to get slapped in the face. Some like it for the adrenaline and some like it because of the fact that it says “Hey, I’m in control here”. Some even like it since a slap to the face can feel degrading, as well as humiliating. Different strokes for different folks. So, how does one approach this without coming off as Chris Brown?
YES – Make sure you’ve actually had the talk at some point with your partner and they WANT this.
NO – Slap them in the face randomly with no prior discussion. Also, don’t have the discussion right before you do it either. Not only does it ruin the mood, but also the adrenaline and shock factor. As I type this, I’m currently picturing some mumble-y virgin being all, “Hey… um… I saw this thing in like… this movie on the internet once…could we… could we… try it?”
While this probably sounds like some sort of knife sharpening activity, it’s actually a form of orgasm control. Delayed gratification, if you will. It’s basically bringing yourself to the very edge, and then removing stimulation so that the orgasm dies. Then you keep doing it. I know, I know – why would you do that, you fucking psychopaths? For a couple of reasons:
1) When you finally do decide to finish (with a penis so mad at you that it’s on the brink of packing up its balls and leaving), it’s a much longer and more intense orgasm.
2) You can also learn where your limits are and then extend them for a longer time. Basically, if you finish too early like some 14-year-old that just touched his first boob – edging is your best friend.
It can also be a lot of fun if you’re doing it to another person. However, please note that this has been referred to as, “’having your soul torn out through your cock” before. Stay safe out there, fam.
Q: HOW DO I (A GIRL) APPROACH MY PARTNER WITH THE IDEA OF ROUGH SEX?
You’ve probably had a moment when you were hooking up with a guy and thought, “God, it would be so great if he fucking pulled my hair right now,” but didn’t say anything because you were worried that you’d come across as weird. Or worse, come up as a victim on an episode of Dateline. If you’re having sex, I’m going to assume that you’re a grown up. What do grown ups do? Have grown up conversations. Tell them what you want. That. Is. It.
If you’re looking for some more Frisky Friday, with an emphasis on the ‘Frisky’:
Debunking horrible sexual advice
Really, really embarrassing sex questions you didn’t want to ask
The filthiest sex questions you DID ask
Tips for not putting your dick in crazy
Some lessons on picking up the ladies
That’s it, that’s all, folks. Leave a comment on what suggestions you have for our friends that need some tips on the rougher side of things. Hope some of you actually use these and have a great weekend resulting in many bruises.