FRISKY FRIDAY | FRISKY XXX-MAS

In FRISKY FRIDAY by The Ajland

Hey, you! After a brief hiatus, FF is back! I was feeling a bit Frisky-uninspired lately and put my energy into decluttering my life before the end of the year. I threw out and donated 15 garbage bags full of things I didn’t need anymore or kept for sentimental reasons. I felt fantastic un-fucking my life and definitely recommend it to anyone. While I’m putting out a longer post early next week on Vancouverite NY resolutions, I’ve added this Frisky Friday for those that are searching for last minute gifts to spice up their Christmas. Did you know they make a Santa-dressed rubber ducky for masturbating? Let me fill you in…

THE X-MAS TUGGIE


A fuzzy sock that warms your sock? Umm… obviously!

This is clearly the best gift to gift someone. It gives a whole new meaning to ‘ballsack’.

SANTA VIBE


If you think that tagline says, “Mrs. Claus will be coming tonight” – you would be correct. It is also very blatant that the illustrator for Archie Comics had a side job.

AT LEAST IT WASN’T YOU


A couple of friends took me out to my first strip club when I was 18. It was pretty hit or miss when it came to hotness and overall quality. In Connecticut, there is a law where strip clubs can either allow the girls to show everything and the club can’t serve alcohol or the girls can show just tits and alcohol can be served. This was the former, and the club made you buy a drink when you walked in the door.

So I have my $5 Poland Spring in front of me as another girl walks out. She had kind of matted hair and was one of the types that takes all her clothes off straight away. My two friends decide they want to see what this girl can do for me, so they lay down 5 or 6 one dollar bills in front of me. She saunters over, giving me the eye, and stands in front of me, legs open and crouched.

She puts a dollar in my mouth, then squeezes it out of said mouth with her tits. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Then she grabs my water bottle, unscrews the top, and sticks it in her pussy. Somewhat more out of the ordinary. She squeezes it so all the contents go up yonder canyon, then she withdraws the bottle. She then looks at me, clenches, and all of the water comes gushing out, covering me head to pants.

Having been douched upon, I was pretty speechless. My friends were dying. I took three showers.

TINGLE GELE


FYI – If you’re not giving a woman a vibrator, you’re doing Secret Santa wrong.

CANDY CANE G-STRANGGG


I always tell people my blog is NSFW, but they continue to read it at work. Just sending a quick reminder in the shape of an elves shoe.

AT LEAST IT WASN’T YOU


I was the co-manager of a sex toy store for four years to help pay my living expenses during college. My best friend was the other manager. We were professional about it, never judged what people bought (at least to their faces), and generally just had a great time getting paid to hang out and talk about sex all day. One day when we were working together. We were both sitting at the front counter when this. Awkward Guy came in and made a beeline straight to the porn DVDs in the back. He was back there for maybe 30 or 45 minutes meticulously going through all of the titles.

Awkward Guy finally came to the front with this massive stack of maybe 10 or 12 titles. He visibly panicked when he realized that both of us would be ringing up and bagging his new Wank Bank material. I really don’t blame him—I don’t think I’d feel great about someone from the opposite sex going through my hoard of 10 DVDs of shit like INSANE ANAL SLUTS 9. Anyway, he was sweating and his little hands were shaking while he put everything up on the counter.

I rang everything up and gave him the total and he just stared. He managed to stammer that he had forgotten to take tax into consideration and needed to get rid of a few DVDs to be able to afford everything. He started going through all of the titles, one by one and adding up the total on his little watch calculator. But his hands were shaking so he kept messing up the total and having to start all over again. This went on for several minutes until he freaked out. He started to cry and got so frustrated that he suddenly RAN OUT OF THE STORE, leaving all of the DVDs on a little pile on the counter.

THE 12 NIGHTS OF XXX-MAS


Are you people still using flavoured lube for blowjobs? Grow up.

It really does taste like shit so 12 servings of this stuff would be the ideal gift for a frenemy.

BABY JESUS BUTT PLUG


Give a whole new meaning to yelling Oh Lordy!

AT LEAST IT WASN’T YOU


Trying to be romantic before a BJ… I decided to dip my dick in champagne for her.
HEALTH WARNING: Alcohol in your uretha stings like fuck.

SILICONE ELF VIBRATOR


I’m officially taking a hiatus from my #StopModernFeminism2016 campaign to start my #StopPuttingFacesOnVibrators2016 campaign.

ADULT MISTLETOE


I’m picturing a guy just walking around the whole night with this condom on and proceed to whip his pants down infront of a girl at some point yelling, “MISTLETOE!”

10/10 for visual imagery provided.

santa naughty pasty & panty set


I don’t really have anything bad to say about this.

Merry Christmas, gang!


I hope you all have an amazing holidays. If you are seriously looking for a sexy Christmas gift to try with your mattress dancing partner, search no further…I present you the We-Vibe. Diagrams and features are all posted on the website – Frisky Friday approved. If you’re alone and miserable for the holidays, well… Pornhub.com. Merry XXX-mas.