FRISKY FRIDAY: PICK UP TIPS

In FRISKY FRIDAY, THE RELATIONSHIP by The Ajland

People often ask me what brought on the idea for my haunted house tattoo below. What kind of weirdo tattoos something like that on their body? In short, I’m a huge horror fanatic and fascinated with basically anything morbid. This includes everything from serial killers to supernatural stories – as well as my favourite holiday… Halloween.

While one reason to love Halloween is for all the scary stuff, another is for the slutty outfits and theme parties. What goes hand in hand with sexy costumes and alcohol, you ask? Bow chicka bow bowIF you can get there. This post came about when I was recently asked by a friend how to flirt with a girl without coming off as a creepy diego. In a city like Vancouver, it’s understandable the entire approach can be intimidating. Fear not, friends. In this week’s Frisky Friday, I’ve brought some tips for the overwhelmed. Unsure how to approach that girl in the Sexy Harambe costume? Look no further than this page. While the post is for the male pursuer, I’m sure the ladies will get a kick out of it too. Happy reading, kids!

TL; DR:

Flirt with everybody. It’s like throwing a handful of darts at a board. One or two is bound to stick.

DON’T FEAR THE RE-JECTION

A general rule of life is having the confidence that no one is better than you. We are all equal. Once you realize this, no one will be too intimidating. When you stop fearing rejection, you’ll find it a million times easier to talk to girls without seeming creepy because you’ll be a million times more confident. The “I don’t give a fuck if you want to talk to me or not – I just felt like having a conversation with someone” vibe is v attractive. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, it’s not the end of the world. Seriously. You’ll survive, dude.

With that being said, if she does reject you politely – don’t be a fucking douche about it. I never understood boys that become aggressive when a girl isn’t interested. Insecurity is v unattractive.

“LIKE… WHAT’S YOUR POSTAL CODE?”

This one’s pretty simple. Have something to talk about. It doesn’t take much to make small talk – even an article you recently saw on Daily Hive. You can even simply ask questions about a girl without coming off as a creep. “Hey, what’s your address?” probably isn’t the best way to lead in, so ask questions that guide the conversation with the emphasis being on ‘convo’. Flirting can be as smooth as butter when it occurs naturally while interacting. It is received WAY better when done in that fashion. At the same time – don’t come at her with twenty questions. This isn’t a job interview. If it’s a one sided conversation – she probably isn’t that into it.

MEAN = NOT MEAN

It’s okay to (playfully) make fun of the other person. If I’m not ribbing you about something, chances are I’m not interested. It’s kinda like the adult equivalent of pulling a girl’s pigtail. If you’re talking to someone that isn’t a complete dumbass, most can appreciate some good old-fashioned dry, quick wit.

I guess I should say other adult way of pulling a girl’s pigtails.

NO TOUCHY

When it comes to physical touching – everyone is different. For example, I don’t like random people touching me ever. It commonly happens when someone asks me what my tattoo means/says – I really don’t like that. I’m not covered in ink so I can easily tell which one you’re referring to by following your eyes. Look, ma – no hands!

Play it by ear. Girls will usually initiate the touch first. Did she touch your arm when she laughed? Read the cues and follow along. Don’t go around putting your hand on girls stomachs saying ‘Ah yes, this be fertile ground’

“BUT HOW DO WE HAVE SEX WITH THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME ON?”

While I’ve never partaken in said Halloween ‘festivities’ at a Halloween fiesta – there is a common mistake when it comes to lingerie. It is always advertised with the panties underneath the garter. Naturally, this would require removal of said garter to take off your panties. This defeats the purpose of lingerie, doesn’t it? Alas, I come with the non-advertised usage, Wear your panties over of the garter. If it is sized properly from waist to thigh, it will sit properly! Make your man happy this weekend, ladies!

“NICE BOOBS”

Compliments are v nice, but don’t lead with it. It’s easier and less awkward to slip in subtle compliments in the conversation than to bluntly lead with ‘You’re gorgeous’. While we’re on the subject, a lot of guys are labeled with the creep stamp because they’ve simply said the wrong thing. You should generally focus on NOT complimenting a girl on something that she can’t change. I wouldn’t lead with, “Hey, you have a really great pair of tits”. While I’m sure she might, perhaps “That’s a great dress” will work better.

AT LEAST IT ISN’T YOU…

I had a very disappointing date in highschool. It was the dead of winter. Like – 40 Celsius. We had gone to a movie, and the whole thing was really awkward. She didn’t really seem to want to be there, was very detached. After the movie, and the bus trip home, she admitted that the only reason she even agreed to the date with me is because my friend had turned her down a few days earlier (I wasn’t aware of that at the time) That a pretty big let down and waste of time.

But I figured whatever, I’ll head home, and find something else to spend time on, I’ll get over it eventually. I got off the bus and just wanted to get home as soon as possible. At the bus stop there is a thigh high railing around the front of the nearby parking lot, instead of walking around it, I decided to step onto, and then over it.

The second I stepped onto it, i realized it was coated in ice. I Charlie browned the fuck out. Just flipped through the air. Lost everything in my pockets. Ripped my pants from asshole to zipper. And then came down hard right onto the railing with my shin, fracturing it.

It’s still – 40 out. I can’t just lay there till help comes. So I fish around in the snow, grab my stuff, try to stuff my balls back into my pants, and stagger home.

TAKE A CHILL PILL!

Let’s paint a scenario: You see a chick looking at you so you dart your eyes away, and then look at her again when she looks away. Moments pass, you repeat the same action… and again. Wow, you don’t look like a fucking lunatic at all! I 100% guarantee you that I won’t think you’re flirting with me, but are wondering what part of my body you can cut up to turn into a lamp. Stop stalking your prey.

If you see a woman looking at you, maintain that terrifying 2-3 seconds of eye contact and SMILE. Not a forced, “I’m gonna fuck you until you die” sinister smile, but just your genuine smile. It works wonders.

Scents can be Aphrodisiacs

Buy yourself some cologne and wear it every time you leave the house. It lifts your attractiveness exponentially, no lie. Your game can be horrific yet a girl will still want to fuck your brains out if you smell amazing. Nothing will conjure up memories more than than a certain cologne/perfume someone wears. If you want to get creepy about it, technically by wearing the same scent every day – you’re basically infiltrating their subconscious mind.

AT LEAST IT ISN’T YOU…

I went on a Tinder date with a guy who is now in my contacts as “Donotanswer Penispic.”
Prior to the date he seemed normal. We texted and talked on the phone then arranged to meet at a restaurant/bar. He was cute but definitely bitter about something. He was from California and apparently didn’t like this new city we were in.
He started talking about sex and blow jobs and complaining about how uptight everyone here is about sex. He invited the waitress to a party his company was throwing, after sending back the French fries he ordered.
I showed him a picture of my dog on my phone; he took out his phone and showed me a picture of his penis.
We walked out of the restaurant together to get our cars from the valet. My car came first and I left. He texted me later that he had my sweater (apparently I dropped it on the way out) and if I wanted to see it again I’d have to hang out with him.
RIP, sweater.

Make the effort

While girls catch a lot of flack for being shallow in regards to guys that flirt with them, sometimes it isn’t unfounded. It’s a very primitive level turnoff when clothes, hair, or skin are visibly dirty. Example – My biggest turn off is dirty fingernails. I cannot look past this ever.

“Ajla, I can’t afford expensive clothes” Okay, I get that people have their own taste and budget in clothes, but you can make sure they’re clean. Yeah, yeah… ‘Don’t judge a book by it’s cover’ and all that, but by coming up to talk to me, you’re probably judging me by my cover, so why shouldn’t I judge you by yours? First impressions DO mean something. Make yours a good one by taking care of your body and your clothing. Which leads me into…

SUIT UP

While we’re on the topic of clothes – WEAR A SUIT. Not in instances where it’s unnecessary or will look ridiculous, but you know what I mean. A well tailored suit to women is what lingerie is to men. You don’t have to be in a monkey suit 24/7, but you should at least know how to dress yourself. You’re a grown ass man – dress like one.

And on the suit note, let’s talk about rolled up sleeves. Nice forearms are like man cleavage. Show them. Don’t take that as having to somehow sneak it into a conversation the whole time. *Let me just reach over this table and grab this saltshaker. See this arm extension? Let me flex these forearms of mine real quick*

“I’M TOO AWKWARD”

No, you are not.

There’s nothing wrong with a man being attracted to a woman. Any woman who would treat you poorly for being up front with her in a respectful manner is not one you want to waste your time with. Furthermore, any woman who would view herself as above you is not worth being around anyways! One girls “friendly” is another girls “flirty.” Get out there!

THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA…

If you struck out with the one you wanted – hey, at least you put yourself out there!

A lot of people tend to get tunnel vision when they set their eyes on the unattainable one. You can keep pursuing your crush, but in the meantime – don’t forget to look around you. What the hell are you going to lose by meeting new people? You’re improving your game and conversational skills – you don’t have to go out with them or ask for numbers. FYI, making new lady friends when you already have a crush on someone is actually beneficial. Since you likely only care about what your crush thinks – even top models can look “basic” since you’re blinded by the one. You are now able to converse with girls without the stress of trying to pick them up!

If you do manage to get to a point of intimacy with a girl – literally anything to do with the neck is my tip for you. If done properly, it’s basically a cheat code for sexy times.

That’s it, that’s all, folks. Leave a comment on what suggestions you have for our friends that need some tips on chatting up the ladies. If you still want some tips on how to be ‘that one’ – see here . Otherwise, Happy Halloween!