After my PSA post on Wednesday regarding Facebook racism, it feels good to come back to the Frisky Fridays. Unfortunately, depending on your current relationship vibes – this one might not make you feel all that better. I always hope it does, though. Before we get into it, I want to give a huge shoutout to my friends that have been letting me know how much they enjoy reading the random things I post here – y’all are the real MVP’s.
P.S. If any one might know of a place in Vancouver besides Hot Topic to buy band merch, please do leave me a comment. I’d greatly appreciate it. 🙂 I have the worst luck with ordering clothes (ESPECIALLY tee’s) online. I think it’s a boob thing. In any event, I’m also the laziest person ever, so I don’t even end up returning shit that doesn’t fit. Lastly, I’m fucking weird, so the non-fitting t-shirt will end up sitting in my closet for the next 5 years because I’ll convince myself it’ll fit it at some point.
OKAY! Before I start arguing with myself, maybe we should get off this tangent. This post is dedicated to those that have entered that lull in their relationship. You know the one. You do the same thing every time you see each other, probably watching Netflix. You have sex the same way a few times a month since one of you is usually tired. The ones that are hanging out just for the sake of sitting in the room together, not because you really want to be there. Let’s see what we can do to bring back a tiny bit of spice in your life. See below for my tips for helping you and your boo get out of the rut. P.S. – SO = Significant Other.
Talk more, fuck more.
“SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, MEAN WHAT YOU SAY”
As I always say… TALK! Communicate with your partner. Tell each other how you’re feeling and why. Hello, people aren’t mindreaders. And while we’re on the subject of communication – don’t only do it when something is wrong. The worst thing in a stale relationship is when someone is constantly nagging. If your S.O. is having a shit day at work, the last thing they wanna do is come home and get bitched at. Can you imagine dating someone that just criticizes you over unimportant shit all the time? Ex. “You don’t do this right” or “You don’t do that right” x24x7x365…jeeeeeeeeeesus.
Sometimes maintaining common peace is more important than personal integrity. On that note, if you are going to criticize – never air your relationships dirty laundry. You have to be on your significant others side, always. If you disagree with something then of course, bring it up in private. But calling them out in front of others or even worse, behind their back, is basically betrayal. “It’s not you vs. me, it’s us vs. problem.”
Gas up your boo. Self assurance is v important. Humans want to know they’re appreciated. Who better to do that than your S.O.? A lot of girls wonder why their boyfriends talk to other girls, and I’m not saying I condone it, but did you stop noticing your man? These things are important and go both ways. Did your girlfriend make dinner for you? Say “Thank You” … Does your man look super hot today? Tell him. The simplest gesture that can be forgotten on a day to day basis can completely change your communication.
Sometimes people worry about complimenting their S.O. too much due to a fear of putting them on too high of a pedestal, or they just feel uncomfortable after not doing it for so long. One of these is ridiculous and one is understandable. FYI, Not letting your boyfriend or girlfriend know that they’re appreciated can lead to an even bigger set of problems, but we don’t have time for that discussion today.
IF YOU’RE WAITING ON IT…
If you are feeling a void of being valued, you shouldn’t resort to being petty. Don’t seek attention and a self-esteem boost by trying to make your own S.O. jealous with some bullshit. It’s childish and this behaviour doesn’t belong in a relationship. Communication is v important. If you don’t feel comfortable properly communicating with your boyfriend/girlfriend – why are you wasting your time?
“ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER”
It is so necessary to have your seperate friends’ circles as well as common ones. Common friends are technically just as important, but even a really awesome relationship gets boring when you don’t have other people that you both enjoy hanging out with. Humans need space. If you spend every waking moment with your boo, then it’s pretty much a given that you guys will probably break up. Have you ever spent too much time around someone and wanted to fucking die?
“WAIT… WE’RE STILL SUPPOSED TO GO ON DATES?”
Yaaaas. Make time to date, and I don’t mean getting up from the couch to go to the sushi restaurant across the street. Have a regular date night! So many assume that just because you’re in a serious relationship that dating and courting is over. Nah, fuck that. Dates don’t have to be going and spending a bunch of money either. You bond as a couple when you go out and do random new shit together. It can literally be anything.
“BUT SHE DOESN’T EVEN DRESS UP FOR ME”
Ladies, you need to make your efforts here too. I’m not saying you need to doll up all the time, but just letting yourself go over the years isn’t okay either. You should want your boo to look at you like a sexual being NOT just a buddy or some strictly maternal type. If he’s taking you out somewhere then get dolled up for him. I don’t care how long you’ve been together either. Just because you got the guy doesn’t mean you say fuck it to the efforts. Go get cute, bitch.
“WELL… WE TALK ABOUT IT BUT NEVER END UP GOING”
Then take control and go. Don’t get complacent. A lot of people complain that they never end up doing anything fun in their relationships. Well, unless you get up and do something about it then one can assume you’re not gonna have any fun. FYI, sitting in front of the TV as a “couple” activity all the time leads to a stale and boring relationship. 1+1=2.
“SO LIKE… YOU WANNA MAKE OUT?”
Stale sex is the worst sex. That robotic-you-know-what-the-next-move-is sex. Don’t miss out on all the good stuff because you guys are so used to each other. If the sex is getting routine, play some dirty Truth or Dare or send some sexts while your SO’s at work for later. If you’re a girl, be ready for your boo when he gets home from work with lingerie & heels on. The point is to try.
If you stop making the effort in your sex life for a long time, it could inevitably feel awkward when you finally want to try something risque. Might as well keep the good times rolling steady. I find a lot of people that have been in a long term relationship forget the fun in the early stuff like making out. Waking up for work comes up, other excuses, etc… STOP! That connection is v important. No better time to remember than today, in my opinion. Stop skipping the appetizers! Go browse my other Frisky Friday posts for ideas and get busy!
“FUCK BEING PREDICTABLE”
Be spontaneous. If you and your SO work 9-5’s and never go out during the week, plan a night and do something fun and exciting together outside of your norm. Many don’t realize that there is actually a huge difference between consistency and just being boring.
If you live in Vancouver, we literally have so many options for a random day trip. Go eat at a restaurant in Bellingham or for a hike up in Kamloops. Regardless of the place, just hop in the car and go some place ridiculous. Leave at 10 in the morning and stay gone all day. Go do something together that you don’t do on your regular schedule. Finally, come home late, tired, ready for bed, have awesome sex, and ptfo.
That’s it, that’s all, folks. Good luck in the rut. Leave me a comment on what suggestions you have for our friends that need some tips.