Hello, Frisky Friends! I’m hoping to have an actual useful post next Friday like last weeks, but for today – we get to catch up on my inquiries. While I usually assume I’m up-to-date on millenial lingo, my inbox always proves me wrong. I’ve never used Urban Dictionary more. Hope some of it’s useful!
P.S. I’d like to take a moment of silence to recognize the beauty that is Korn’s new album. It was released today and I think i’ve played ‘Black is the Soul’ at least fifteen times. It reminds me of Tool and I love everything about it. Jonathan Davis’ voice is pure sex. That is all.
P.P.S. As usual, I have to thank everyone for continuing to read my nonsense. My post hits have been astronomical and I appreciate every single one of them. Love ya! And we’re off…
As always – talk more, fuck more.
Q: “WHAT’S THE GRACE PERIOD FOR A GIRL WHO SLEEPS WITH TWO DIFFERENT GUYS? HOW MANY DAYS IS THE MINIMUM BEFORE SHE’S CONSIDERED A SLUT?”
It’s no ones business what you do with your life. If getting down like that makes you happy, then do you, boo boo. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. A lot of guys have lower physical standards for a casual hookup than they do for a relationship. If a one-night-stand is going to leave you feeling burned, you should probably wait. Also, condoms.
Q: “I hate when I’m giving a bj and the guy doesn’t have the courtesy to hold my hair. Is it really that hard?”
This is common courtesy. You literally have one job during a blowjob, boys. Do it.
Q: “IS LACK OF SEX A LEGITIMATE REASON TO BREAK UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND?”
Yes. Being unhappy continuing a relationship is literally the only reason you need to break up with someone. Some people are unhappy without enough sex and some can manage. However, if one part is unhappy, that’s a good enough reason to bounce. Isn’t there some sex cereal they sell at London Drugs that’s supposed to do something about this?
Q: “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN WE’RE DONE? WHAT IS THE PROPER AFTER-SEX PROCEDURE?”
Get her a towel. Jk… Kinda. Depends on your situation really. Do you live together? Are you fuck buddies? Please refer to my post on sex etiquette for proper behaviour when it’s time for the cuddle puddle.
On that note, the world drastically changes post-orgasm for guys. Sex is the last thing they want to think about post-bang while remembering the un-holy shit they just did. “Did I really just lick her…” Perhaps avoid discussing a replay immediately after.
Q: “SHE WANTS TO KISS ME AFTER I CAME IN HER MOUTH – THAT’S GROSS”
Some guys dont like tasting their own jizz, I guess? I don’t think anyone should expect people to do anything that they aren’t comfortable with. Girls shouldn’t be offended by this – it’s not THAT uncommon and it’s technically his own ‘stuff’ he isn’t down with. Huh… the first time ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ is legit.
Q: “IS IT TRUE THAT IF YOU DON’T USE IT, YOU LOSE IT?”
Can confirm. CRA is coming for your penis.
Q: “I heard guys like their you know played with… should I?”
Thou shalt NEVER make the assumption a man wants you near his backdoor.
Q: “SHE CALLS ME SOME WEIRD SHIT IN BED”
Ladies, there aren’t many bad things you can say in the bedroom. However, once you say them – good luck with the recovery. Don’t call your partner “Dude” or “Bro” during sex. This isn’t a bro job. “Oh my god. dude. Fuck me harder” What the fuck, are you a surfer or something? Woe! *shaka sign*
Also, unless discussed, probably refrain from calling him “daddy”. If it’s not his thing, I can guarantee how he’s about to spend the rest of the time fucking you wondering about whatever fucked up father issues you may have. With that being said, if he does like it…
Q: “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN I’M RIDING GIRL-ON-TOP… HELP!”
Literally learn how to twerk and then do it on his penis. Youtube that shit.
When in doubt, rock it out. If you don’t know how to ride then move back and forth, NOT upside down. You can literally bend it if it slips out and you slam your weight down.
Q: “IT HURTS WHEN HE USES HIS FINGERS – WHAT IS HAPPENING?!”
Chances are he probably needs to trim his fingernails. I’ve heard horror stories of improper hand use. If you have a guy that’s trying to basically contort his hand into a fucking cervical face-palm, you’re gonna have a bad time. At the same time ladies, don’t rub his dick like you’re trying to start a fire. READ THE CUES, PEOPLE. Work with each other.
Q: “DO GIRLS MIND IF THEY DON’T GET AN ORGASM?”
Did you know girls get something similar to blue balls? Yes. Yes they do. Don’t waste her time, fuckboy.
That’s it, that’s all, folks. Have a great weekend! Leave a comment on what suggestions you have for our inquiring friends.