FRISKY FRIDAY | YOU ASKED, I ANSWERED

In FRISKY FRIDAY, THE RELATIONSHIP by The Ajland

It isn’t easy trying to come up with blog posts all the time focused on sex like some modern day Dr. Sue. This week I had to turn to my audience. I asked my friends what they wanted to know when it comes to getting down & dirty. Read below for this Frisky Friday’s edition dedicated to Sex Q&A. I’ve also provided some stories I scavengered far and wide online for you to feel better about your confusion. Don’t say I never gave you anything.

Q. How do you convince her to let you finish anywhere and everywhere?

“Where do you want me to come?”
Durr…. The best tip I can ever give anyone in regards to sex is communicating with your partner. People aren’t mind readers. If you want to come on your girls face, ask. What’s that random quote with Michael Jackson about shots you take or whatever? Don’t be a bitch.

“The girlfriend and I had had nothing but bad sex so far in the relationship. Too many hard days at work, too many minor scraps led to some pretty unspectacular sex. It was a doomed relationship, but I wanted to make it work. So I had her over, made a great dinner and we went to bed. She fell asleep watching a movie she wanted to watch. So I decided to wake here up with my erotic powers. I kissed and nibbled and removed her clothes when she finally stirred. She raised her arms above her head and I licked from head to toe and she purred like a kitten. She had a great figure and was now quite ‘ready’. As was I. Hard as a rock. I was going to give her the best sex of her life. Songs would be written about this night. My past performances would be forgotten and we would write poems of this.
Anyhow…I had my arms under her legs and was pointing (literally) toward her when she looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes, glistening skin and fantastic body and said “Oh God, fuck me now”. That was hot.
Super hot. Super duper exciting hot. Uhhh…Too hot.
I came. Like a fire hydrant, all over her. Covering her chest, neck, chin, forehead and some of the wall. It was colossal..”

Q. AFTER HOW MANY DATES SHOULD I PUT OUT?

I would generally say before you meet them is too soon. Ha! Everyone’s different. There are no rules for this. It’s not so much about the slut factor that you might want to wait – it’s more that sex can make you feel like you’re a whole lot more compatible then you are due to the emotional attachment girls can get.

At the same time, remember that having a sexually compatible partner can be very important. As such, if you have sex for the first time 3 months into dating and you find out he’s into getting anal fisted – you might be regretting holding out in hopes of him seeing you’re serious about a relationship.

“Brought a girl home for the bar. She seemed super nice, and we just hit it off after a bunch of drinks. Everything is cool, we’re joking around taking each others clothes off.
As I joke, I pull off my shirt swing it in the air a couple times and lightly toss it on her head. You know, thinking she’d laugh and take it off. She left it there. And since I thought she’d take it off, I didn’t make a move to. I start having sex with her while this shirt is still on her head.
She begins crying uncontrollably and starts saying, “OH MY GOD, AM I THAT FUCKING UGLY?!” I try to calm her down and tell her it was JUST a joke. As she continues her tirade whilst dressing, she smashed 2 of my lamps and damaged the corner of my brand new LCD.
It happened so quickly and I was in drunken shock.”

Q. HOW TO HAVE SEX WITHOUT CATCHING FEELINGS?

I have no idea how to break this one down for you, but it comes down to compartmentalizing your feelings. Some people view sex as an emotional expression and some see it as a physical act of pleasure. In that sense, they can disconnect the emotion. You would have to make sure the emotion doesn’t exist in any aspect of your relationship whether it be the physical or mental. If you’re asking this due to a rebound situation, please refer to Phase 4 in this post.

If all else fails, masturbation is the key to success. Love yo damn self.

Q. WHAT TO SAY AND NOT TO SAY DURING SEX?

Some girls like to be called dirty whores and some like to be called good girls. This leaves a pretty open field for things you can say within the bedroom walls. Girls love to be praised and I’m sure guys would like to hear they’re doing a good job too. If all else fails, go with, “I am the captain now”.

“Not me, but an old friend of mine.
Really quiet, soft-spoken, polite guy. A total gentleman and a graduate student in the liberal arts. Also, pretty inexperienced, tentative, and vanilla sexually.
He’s dating this really cool girl for maybe two months. She is much kinkier in bed. She floats the idea of dirty talk, and apparently likes to be objectified, even demeaned a bit, from time to time. He’s hesitant, but wants to please her and doesn’t dismiss the idea outright. Changes the subject and figures that they’ll revisit the idea another time.
Anyway…they have sex a few days later for the first time since the conversation. Really going at it doggystyle, and she tells him to talk dirty to her. He says that he can’t think of anything to say, so he says nothing, and she then repeats the request, but the second time she is not fucking requesting, but demanding it.
He comes up with: “Yeah…you like that, you fucking retard?”

Q. WHEN TO BRING UP ANAL? / How to convince her on the anal if she says no?

As I mentioned in my last post, nobody believes the ‘wrong hole’ trick. Nobody.

Your best bet would probably be to either ask her in the heat of the moment or see how she feels with your hands first. If you ask your girlfriend in the middle of a TV show – she’ll probably say no. Some girls might be okay with trying it, but have a preconceived notion that they may be a slut for wanting to try it. She may need you to lead the way here.

If your girl said no and it’s because she doesn’t like anal – it’s probably going to stay a no. If you don’t like anal, nobody is going to convince you otherwise.

Q. Does it add to your number count if the dick was tiny?

If it went inside you, your body count went up. Sorry, girlfriend.

Q. What’s the best way to ask your wife/girlfriend/side piece for head?

A closed mouth gathers no open mouths.

Heat up the situation before you ask for some attention down under. Nobody is going to be in the mood if you’re playing video games and look over saying “Can you give me some head?”

Since all girls loved 50 Shades so much, I’d go with grabbing her by the hair and saying you want her mouth on you. Hope it has a happy ending!

That’s it, that’s all, folks. Leave me a comment on what questions you have!