FRISKY FRIDAY | DEAR AJLA

In FRISKY FRIDAY, THE RELATIONSHIP by The Ajland

As we all know, I’ve been having some writers block coming up with topics week to week. Lucky for me, I’ve been getting a wazoo of incoming sex and relationship questions. Y’all are freaky as hell.

Let’s hope by next week I have some ideas for some less risqué content. Until then, read below for this Frisky Friday’s edition of Sex Q&A.

DEAR AJLA . . .

Q. The guy i’m FWB with sits to pee – is that normal?

I curse the fact that I vowed to answer every question I receive. I have no idea, girl. Why do people that casually bang see each other pee? CLOSE THE DOOR!

Q. MY BEAU DOESN’T SEEM TO BE INTO OUR SEX ANYMORE – WHAT CAN I DO?

Sexual preferences change over time. No one knows this more than people in long-term relationships. I hear of many unhappy couples who are still having the same sex they had when they first hooked up. It can get mechanical and mundane. FYI, you don’t have to get kinkier to make things “more interesting”. Maybe you need to get freaky in a different way.

Communication is the key to life. Perhaps a year ago he wasn’t into the idea of sex outside of the bedroom, but it could totally steam things up now. Maybe it’s not that you aren’t into each other, but maybe you’re not into the things that you both used to do. Switch it up. TALK TO EACHOTHER.

AT LEAST IT WASN’T YOU . . .

I was 17 and we had only been a thing for a couple months at that point. First time having sex also first blowjob I ever received. Had trouble finishing/staying hard. Once the bj started though that was all somehow no longer a problem. When I started cumming it was right as she pulled my manhood out of her mouth, so it went all over her face. I was stunned and frankly mortified. I felt like I had to go apologize to her parents after doing that. I felt so wrong with it being the very first time and without her explicit “yeah just cum in my face” permission. I was in such guilty shock that I just shouted the first thing that popped into my skull which happened to be “Ooooooh, sperm in ya face!” in sort of like an old man’s voice.

Thankfully she found it funny and started laughing. It was far from her first time so I was pretty much alone in my shock. It could have been way more awkward, though…

Q. I LIKE THIS GUY, BUT HE WORKS AN AVERAGE JOB. I WANT SOMEONE WITH MORE MONEY. WHAT DO I DO?

How is that list of “must-haves” working out for you when you go to bed by yourself or get cheated on? This is unfortunately all too frequent in Vancouver… writing someone off because they don’t make enough money or some other lacking trait your friends wouldn’t envy. Heads up, you’re being a snobby bitch. Nobody is perfect – including you. We all have flaws and just because someone is good on paper, doesn’t make them a good partner. Drop the pretensions and stereotypes and try something a little different.

Q. Should it be a turn off if a guy does drugs?

This is a personal preference. I remember the first time I really started going clubbing and realized how much of this city actually does coke. While you obviously don’t want your beau to be an addict or die from an overdose – it’s up to you whether you’re okay with drug use. Don’t say you are okay with something if it’s going to turn into an argument every weekend, though. Some people really aren’t into it and that’s okay. There is no should or should nots when it comes to what turns you off – it just does.

Q. How about what if your man has female friends? How do you dispose of their bodies safely?

While my beaus have had female friends that have clearly wanted more – it comes down to trusting them. If you can’t trust your man not to fuck his girl friends, what the hell are you doing with him?

P.S. I’ve watched enough movies to know you always chop up the bodies. Never dispose them whole.

Q. When is it ok to not wear makeup around them and let them see the true beast you are?

If he’s putting in the right amount of work, your make up should be a mess when you’re done anyway, amirite?…

In all seriousness, do all girls really wear that much make up that they would be ugly without it? I doubt it. While I’m a big believer in not letting yourself go in relationships – this is more in the sense of letting your body hair grow out or popping zits in front of your significant other. If your guy wouldn’t like you without make up, he sounds like a douche-bag. Embrace your beast if you want to, wild thang.

Q. When is it appropriate to start bringing over your toothbrush and face wash?

To each their own BUT if you guys have been going on dates and you’re sleeping over, a toothbrush is not unreasonable. Dental hygiene is v important. If you’re casually sleeping together – do not bring your shit over. As I said in this post, don’t leave souvenirs at your FWB house. This includes make up on the pillow as well as his counter.

Q. If a girl keeps calling you daddy in bed and telling you to spank her and tell her how bad she is….. does she have underlying daddy issues?

Girl sounds like a good time, ha! As per my “research” online – it might just be a generic term to confirm their submissiveness to you. Many women are attracted to men they regard as socially above them, or with some kind of power over them (i.e. the bad boy, the guy who isn’t interested, etc.) This ‘kink’ does not mean she is sexually attracted to her father – just a position of social superiority. Transference of that role onto someone she is sexually attracted to may give her a subconscious turn on. Everyone has their preference in the bedroom. While many of us do have underlying baggage – they don’t necessarily connect to what gets us going. On another note, are you really questioning why a girl is asking you to spank her? Boy, if you don’t…

AT LEAST IT WASN’T YOU . . .

I was with this girl and she was kind of an emo chick. I can deal with that. She also liked it kinda rough which I was also kind of ok with.

Then we are having sex one night and she wanted me to choke her. So whatever cool I do a little choking and try to make her happy. She keeps saying she wants to be choked harder and harder. I keep doing this and she finally tells me to choke her until she taps me on the shoulder. She wanted to be fucking choked out practically. I finally start choking her the way she wants but at this point I’m scared this girl is going to die. I release my death grip and she slaps me in the face and says “choke me harder you bitch.”

So I just start fucking her and choking her as hard as I can and I’m about to cum. I want to get this shit over with and nope the fuck out. Apparently she could tell I was about to cum and she told me to cum inside her. NO FUCKING WAY was I cumming inside this fucking crazy girl.

So I pull out and cum on her tummy. She is not pleased. She swipes the cum up with her hand and fucking spidermans me. Here I am sitting here with my own cum on my face and this bitch fucking pissed off because I didn’t kill her and risk impregnating her to form a crazy master race. I left and never saw her again.

Q. What if you’re hooking up with someone for the first time and they try to go down on you?

Depends on what you’re comfortable with. I personally consider oral probably more intimate than actual sex, but that doesn’t mean that’s the case for everybody. If you aren’t okay with it – just say no.

Q. What if you have a latex allergy but you’re not on the pill?

Q. What to do if a guy wants you to peg him?

I thought I was up to date with sex lingo, but I had to Urban Dictionary this one. I would run away.

Q. I don’t think I’m getting her off – help!

In this age of internet, with unlimited information right at your fingertips, there’s really no excuse to not know where the clit is.

Q. What do I do when a girl asks you which of her friends you would want to fuck?

Do not fall for this trap. Change the topic immediately. She’ll never forget the answer you give.

If you did answer… well… R.I.P.

That’s it, that’s all, folks. Leave me a comment on what questions you have!