I recently had a conversation with my friend about the Fifty Shades fad from a few years ago and why all girls were suddenly swooning over Christian Grey. With the surge of communities like FetLife.com, it’s not a question whether or not the BDSM culture is growing – kink is well and alive. What I found though, after I got past the horrible writing… Seriously, who edited this series? These books thrive because of the Grey traits: possessive, man of power, the chase, etc. (Oh, and he’s a billionaire at 26). Now I’m not saying every man has to fit this criteria – it’s just not often you find this unapologetic attitude in an era of passive aggressiveness. I guess I’m still old fashioned in the sense of dating where I like a man’s man. Don’t know what I mean? Let me break it down for you.
Disclaimer: My prerequisite for a relationship is that you have to be look identical to Jesse Metcalfe, so one could argue the last thing I should do is give advice on dating. I never claimed to be Elite Daily. Read my tips with a grain of a salt… but would I steer you wrong?
- TAKE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION
Women want a leader – Power is about the ability to influence yourself and those around you. When you go out with friends, do you take the lead? Or do you wait for someone else? Can I have an example please? A guy that knows how to handle himself in any situation is pretty hot. Day in-day out, guys make jokes about how their girlfriends can’t decide where to go eat… why don’t you just tell her where you’re going or make dinner plans? In the words of Russell Peters, the great – BE A MAN.
- PUSH AND PULL THEORY
In the era of dick pics, guys can be way too forward. Women love a little chase, so maintain a good balance of being a challenge and showing interest. I’ve heard people consider this playing games before, but I guess it depends on what way you look at it. When I think back on great guys I’ve lost interest in all too quickly.. it was probably due to texting too much and getting bored. Don’t reveal everything all at once. Maintain some mystery to make her curious to learn more about you.
- DON’T CHANGE YOURSELF
Hands down, the most unattractive trait in a man is one that bends. Own who you are as a man and don’t be ashamed of yourself. Even if you have some hobbies, interests or traits that are “less than attractive,” be proud and don’t apologize for who you are. The woman for you will be all about you – weird habits and all. You like to sing Britney Spears in the shower? Although kinda strange, fucking own it.
I think one of the most turned off moments in one of my relationships was when a guy I was dating at the time heard a song by my favourite rapper-of-the-moment’s in my car and absolutely hated it. Don’t like it, no problem – different strokes for different folks. Fast forward to a week later and we’re in his friends car who is listening to the same rapper-of-the-moment and comparing him to the great Yeezus. My now ex-beau was all, “I love this guy, one of the best rappers out there.” If you’re unsure of yourself – why would I be sure of you?
- BE A LITTLE POSSESSIVE
Every woman on the planet wants a man who will fight for her, and I’m not referring to fighting in the literal, physical sense. Women want to be claimed. A woman wants a man who declares her as his. It makes her feel safe and protected and gives her a sense that he truly cares for her. Keep in mind that there’s a fine line between possessive and insecure, though. I dated someone once that would literally snap if someone even looked at me. There is nothing sexy about insecurity. Isn’t it a compliment if people look at your girlfriend? That means she isn’t ugly. Pat yourself on the back, my friend.
- BE AMBITIOUS AND HAVE #GOALS
“I’m not a billionaire” – That’s fine. Neither am I. I want to be though, and I’m working on getting there. I could never date someone that was okay with just getting by. It’s okay to want health and happiness, but to want someone with goals as well is not a bad thing. Although some Vancouver Specials would argue this one, you don’t need a heavy wallet to show that you are ambitious—you just need to be working and striving for a goal. Ambition shows that you go for what you want in life. Ambition shows that you are about something—that you have a passion and purpose for your life and that your life has meaning. It displays confidence.
I couldn’t leave out some tips for the ladies – everyone needs some Love 101. My TOP 4 DO’s and DON’Ts for the girls. Boys, if you’re reading – the red flags are for you… Beware of female scorned.
5 TOP TIPS FOR THE LADIES
- DON’T GO THROUGH HIS PHONE
I’ve been there and I get it. You think your boyfriend is being shady and you’re dyinggg to know what the hell is in there. STOP! This habit is worse than Lays chips because I promise you – once you start, you won’t stop. If you’ve already picked up this habit and peek all the time, you should just leave. Realistically, you probably won’t, so why are you putting yourself through this torture? Did I mention this is illegal?
Red Flag for the boys: Your girl is bringing up things you know she didn’t find out while you were talking in your sleep. (I will fully admit to using excuses for the stuff I found in his phone that only an idiot would believe…. he did)
- DON’T AIR YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY!
In better terms, don’t put down your man to other people or talk about your problems. This is major. You’re pissed and you want to hear your audience side with you and reassure you that you’re in the right, but this is still YOUR relationship. Cool off and get your head together before you convince your friends that your boyfriend is a douchebag when you know all will be well when you wake up in the morning.
Red Flag for the boys: Her cousin Betty that you’ve never met just punched you in the arm and grumbled something about you getting a text at 2 in the morning.
- DO KEEP THINGS INTERESTING.
Go out together once in a while! Wear some lingerie. DO SOMETHING. It’s really unfortunate seeing couples lose their fizz when they only party separately. Mind you I’m under 30, so this really shouldn’t be that much of an issue. If you’re not having fun together, why are you together?! Working in the nightlife – there’s nothing more attractive than seeing a couple that goes out and has a good time together. It’s sexy for your man to see you dancing and in your element, and vise versa. Everyone’s different, but I think a pair can get way too comfortable with each other over time. Even years after living with the same man, I still turned the water on when I went to pee. Girls these days brag about not shaving their legs for some time while having a boyfriend as if it’s normal. I don’t condone cheating, but if you don’t care to take care of yourself, why would someone else? Get it together, girlfriend.
Red Flag for the boys: She sent that “Goodnight baby, I’m going to bed” text, but you bump into her at the same club.
- DO GET YOUR OWN LIFE.
Don’t put all your focus on one person. You just started seeing someone and you are really into them… awesome! If you make your life all about your new beau and bail on your friends constantly – they notice and don’t appreciate it. Don’t be this girl. It’s fucking annoying. Your boyfriend thinks so too.
Red Flag for the Boys: Your girlfriend doesn’t ask what your (singular) plans are anymore, only what your (plural) plans are.